


Off limits

by Blankdice



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Clothes Stealing, F/F, Fluff, Lucretia isn't perfect, Stolen Century, TAZ Balance, clothes borrowing, some actual communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:06:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22899232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blankdice/pseuds/Blankdice
Summary: Some things on the Starblaster were, out of necessity or convenience, considered common property and some were considered off limits.Food was common property, unless Taako was currently cooking, in which case the entire kitchen was a danger zone and even dipping a toe in could get you yelled at. Tools were common property, with no exceptions, not even Merle’s pruning shears, despite Merle insisting otherwise.No one could agree which category clothing fell into.---In which Lucretia acts odd and Lup just wants to talk.
Relationships: The Director | Lucretia/Lup
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	Off limits

Some things on the Starblaster were, out of necessity or convenience, considered common property, and some were considered off limits.

Food was common property, unless Taako was currently cooking, in which case the entire kitchen was a danger zone and even dipping a toe in could get you yelled at. Tools were common property, with no exceptions, not even Merle’s pruning shears, despite Merle insisting otherwise. 

Shampoo was off limits. There had been one or two attempts at pushing it into the ‘common property’ category by Magnus, but both Lup and Davenport had given him a stern talking to. The same went for moustache wax, razors, and anything related to personal grooming.

“Sharing that is just gross,” Lup had said.

“Over my dead body,” Davenport had said, clutching his patchouli shampoo and wax gift set, with the blue glass stoppers.

“Aw, man,” Magnus had said, with his best sad puppy face.

Neither had relented.

Clothes were a contentious topic. They seemed to switch from ‘common property’ to ‘off limits’ at the drop of a hat. It depended on the time, the place, the people involved, and the phase of any available moons. Probably.

Taako was, hands down, the most common clothes-borrower. As far as he was concerned, everything was common property when he wanted something, and off limits when someone wanted something from him. Lup was a close second. Some of her borrowed fashion highlights included Taako’s glittery shrug, Merle’s oversized flowery shirt, Magnus’ cargo shorts, and a dress no one could place but that had Lucretia take one look at her and storm right out of the galley. It had likely been hers. 

The problem with the clothes was that they all washed their clothes in the same machine. It didn’t pay to separate them by owner, and so it was all too easy to get one’s hands on a shirt that was not technically yours. Every time someone tried to move clothing into the off limits category, it fell apart the next time someone did the laundry.

Lup was the one doing laundry tonight, and she was cheerfully rifling through the stack of clean stuff in search of something to freshen up her repertoire as she waited for the washing machine to finish.

There wasn’t much in here she hadn’t seen before, either on one of her colleagues, during her endless laundry chores, or in Taako’s pile of discards. Still, it was worth having a look. 

She was just holding up a particularly hideous button-up with dragons and (for some reason) pineapples and wondering if it would look cute knotted in the front with a wrap skirt under it when Lucretia took two steps into the laundry room and paused.

“Hi, Lucy,” Lup said. “What do you think?”

“Stealing clothing again?” said Lucretia, a slight frown on her face.

“Excuse you,” said Lup, “I’m not stealing anything. I’m collectivising it.”

“Right,” Lucretia said, “Of course you are. Liberating it for the people?”

“That’s right,” said Lup, and tossed her the shirt. “You should try it sometime.”

Lucretia sputtered but caught the shirt mostly on instinct, then looked absolutely mortified. Panicked, even. She looked at the shirt like it was a venomous snake that was about to bite her, and threw it back at Lup. It hit her in the face, little buttons knocking against her nose as she laughed. 

She didn’t mean to laugh at Lucretia, not in a mean-spirited way, but the look on her face had been too good. Somewhere between horrified that she was holding someone else’s clothing, and offended by the thought that Lup thought she should wear this shirt, specifically. 

Lup pulled the shirt from her face, saw Lucretia’s blue and white robe swish around the corner and out of the laundry room. 

“Lucy!” she called. “Lucy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at you like that it was just fuck, she’s already gone.” She stood for a moment with the shirt in her hands, feeling guilty. Then the machine beeped, and for the next half hour or so she was pretty well occupied folding, and loading the next load.

It wasn’t until the next day that she realised her favourite shirt, which she’d been sure was in the to-wash pile because she’d meant to wash it and wear it again straightaway, was missing. That was pretty annoying. It was the second time something like this happened and though she’d never admit it, it was really shaking Lup’s belief in clothing as common good.

Lucretia was also missing, more or less. Avoiding Lup, that was for sure. She’d be walking into the galley and catch a glimpse of her, or catch her going into the bathroom but find herself with a door in her face before she could say anything.

It was a little uncomfortable. Lucretia had never been the warmest, the most chatty, but she’d never straight up ignored anyone before. 

Lup tried to catch her at breakfast, but she didn’t like getting up early and though she tried, Lucretia was long gone by the time she rolled up to the table. After that, it was her turn to join Davenport at navigation, so it wasn’t until lunchtime when she had another shot.

If she had to guess, Lucretia would be doing some admin right now, or maybe rewriting her journals. It was the sort of stuff Lup avoided whenever she could, but which Lucretia never seemed to mind. In fact, Lup had pawned her share of admin off on her more than once.

It took all her will-power not to waltz into the main study, not to make a nice big entrance. She was itching with built-up restless energy and it was aching to go somewhere, like slamming a door open and yelling a witty one-liner.

Still, she was better than her brother, and knew when a more subtle approach was required. She edged the door open, peeked inside the room. 

It was one of the darker rooms on the Starblaster, on account of all the books. They hadn’t known for sure what the ship would be going through, what kind of maneuvers it would be required to do in its interplanetary travels, so most things had been bolted down, tied in place, or otherwise tucked away and secured against any potential disturbances. Just in case the ship ever ended up making loop-de-loops. No one would’ve liked to have chairs and plates flying around. 

The first design of the study had featured closed bookcases, all the books tucked out of sight and locked away. It was pretty secure, but someone had vetoed the idea. The design that ended up going through featured tightly packed open shelves, each row of books contained by a set of belts spanning the width. 

Lup always suspected Davenport to have requested the change, on account of aesthetics, but Taako’s bet had always been Lucretia. That was fair, she ended up being the one who spent most time in there.

To Lup’s disappointment, she found neither of them in the study today. She crept into the room, carefully stood behind Barry, who was scanning the titles on a particular shelf, and waited. 

He turned and yelped, clutching a purple-covered tome to his chest. The thing was nearly as large as his torso, and Lup had to wonder where the hell he’d been keeping it and why she hadn’t spotted it until now.

“Hey nerd,” she said. “Have you seen Lucretia?”

“Since when do you sneak up on people?” he said, sounding wounded. “No, not since breakfast.”

“Dammit, she’s avoiding me.”

Barry frowned. “Why? That doesn’t seem like her.”

Lup sighed and dropped into one of the chairs, one leg over the armrest. “I think I insulted her, but I swear I didn’t mean to. I just want to talk to her to apologise, but I can’t get a hold of her. Who knew she was so slippery?”

“Oh,” Barry said. “Hm. Have you tried her room?”

“I knocked on the door yesterday,” Lup said. Barry had moved behind her, and she had to twist in the chair. “She didn’t open.”

“Was it locked?” 

“Barry!” Lup gasped, raised a hand to her mouth. “Are you telling me to go into Lucretia’s room uninvited?”

Barry shrugged. “It sounds to me like someone has to force the situation. I’ve got a spell to unlock doors, if you want.”

“That’s terrible advice and I have to know this spell immediately, just so I know how to avoid casting it accidentally.”

Without looking away from her, Barry pulled a book from the wall behind him and handed it to Lup. It was really kind of impressive. “Page 218,” he said. 

“Hey Barold,” she said, settling in to read. “If you got to design the library of your dreams, what would it look like?”

“Books everywhere,” he said, dreamily, and ran a hand along the shelves.

“Didn’t like the original designs, did you?”

He smiled, and sat down at one of the desks with his ridiculously oversized book. 

Learning an unlocking spell was all well and good. Lup was confident she could do it, in the technical sense. She knew how to cast the spell. Still, there was the act of actually doing it. 

That evening, as she stood in front of Lucretia’s door, she wasn’t sure if she could do it.

She’d already knocked, twice. She’d called out and told whoever might be in there that she was coming in. She’d gingerly turned the doorknob, to find the door was locked. She could do it, she could open the door by magic, but she also couldn’t. It would be an invasion of privacy. If this had been anyone else, Lup would probably not have hesitated. Taako, Magnus, hell, even Merle despite the odds of him being naked in there being way higher than she was comfortable with. 

But Lucretia? It just felt wrong.

She was still standing there when there was a polite cough behind her.

“Excuse me,” said Lucretia. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to go through there. Into my own room. Which you are currently blocking.”

“Oh whoops, so I am.” Lup leaned against the door a little harder. This was the option she hadn’t considered, as she’d agonised over whether to force herself into Lucretia’s room or not. If she simply waited here, Lucretia would have to return sooner or later. It was a fool proof way of making her talk to her.

Lucretia gave her a stern look, one eyebrow raised, and turned to leave.

“Wait!” said Lup. She lunged forward, grabbed onto Lucretia’s (surprisingly buff) arm. “I’m sorry, okay? Can we just talk?”

“You’re sorry?” Lucretia said.

“Yes, the thing with the clothing, I implied you’d steal a shirt and I’m sorry.” Lup reached out to Lucretia’s other arm, held them both as if she was afraid the woman would run from her. To be fair, she had kind of been doing that.

Lucretia shook her head, as if clearing cobwebs from her mind. When she looked back at Lup, her eyebrows were raised almost to her hairline. “That’s what you meant?”

“Yes, well, no? Yes and no.” Lup smiled, hoped it looked disarming. “I was trying to get you to loosen up, I wasn’t trying to insult your code of honour.”

“My code of-” Lucretia sighed, and pushed free of Lup’s grasp. “I wasn’t offended because you’d insulted my code of honour. I don’t know where any of you get the idea that I have some sort of immutable code of honour, and will do nothing to break it.” She sounded stern, but couldn’t seem to stop one corner of her mouth from twisting into a smile, though a somewhat sad one.

“Then why were you avoiding me?” Lup said, reaching back out, twisting her fingers into Lucretia’s sleeve. 

Lucretia sighed, leaned her forehead against the closed door. “I was feeling guilty,” she said. “I’m not some perfect paragon of goodness, and I’ve done something I’m not proud of. I thought you’d noticed, and frankly, I… I panicked.”

Well, that was unexpected. For a moment, Lup wondered what she’d done, and if this was still connected to the whole clothes stealing issue. 

“Uh,” she went, “what, have you secretly been washing all our clothes with blood of freshly killed innocents? I’m not sure where you’re going with this.”

Lucretia opened her door, and there was her room. Immaculately made bed, of course. A few books on the bedside table. One wall covered in paper and notes, tacked in a neat grid. And there, on the pillow, folded up, Lup’s shirt.

“Oh dip,” Lup said. “You had my favourite shirt all along, how about that.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucretia said. “I shouldn’t have taken it.”

“That’s okay,” Lup said, awkwardly patting Lucretia’s arm. “We all steal each other’s clothes, like, all the time, my dude.”

“I was just looking for something to sleep in,” Lucretia said, “I’ve been wearing the same damn night gown for years and I’m getting tired of it. I swear I was just going to take a clean one but this was right on top of the hamper. I remembered you’d had been wearing it and,” she coughed. “Well, it still smelled like you. I realise how creepy this sounds. I was going to put it back, but you were right there.”

“You’ve been sleeping in my shirt?” Lup said. 

“No, it felt weird,” Lucretia admitted. “Every time I tried to put it back, you were there again.” 

“Okay hold up,” said Lup. “Let’s recap for the confused, because the confused includes me. You went to find something to sleep in. Instead of taking a clean shirt, you took a dirty one because-”

“-because it smelled of you,” Lucretia interrupted, miserably.

“And then you panicked because that was creepy and you felt guilty about it?”

“Well, yes.” Lucretia grabbed the shirt, pushed it into Lup’s hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh.” said Lup.

“Can we please pretend this never happened?” Lucretia said. 

“Oh shit, Lucy,” Lup said, and leaned against the doorframe. “I mean, little creepy, maybe, but no need to beat yourself up over it. I wish you’d have asked.”

“Asked, uh,” Lucretia gave her a look. “What, exactly?”

“To borrow a shirt,” Lup said. “Or maybe I can do you one better. If you like the way I smell, we can always figure out some way to make your bed smell like me.”

Lucretia’s eyes widened and for a moment, Lup was sure she’d gone too far, and she was going to slam the door on her. On her fingers too, if she knew her luck. Then she smiled, cautiously.

“I don’t know,” Lucretia said. “That sounds like a lot of effort on your part. I wouldn’t dare to impose.”

“No effort at all,” Lup said. “In fact, we might both enjoy it.”

“Is that so?” Lucretia said. 

“I believe,” Lup leaned a little closer, took a good look at Lucretia’s bed, “yes, you clearly have a much better mattress. I’m going to have to hang out in here and try that sucker out. Obviously, I am the one imposing on you, Lucy.”

“Obviously,” Lucretia said.

Lup grinned, winked at her. “And thanks for my shirt. I had a whole outfit planned with it.”

“Lup, it’s literally just an oversized black t-shirt with a big red bugbear on it.”

“And I look great in it,” Lup said.

Lucretia shrugged, went ‘fair enough’, and that seemed to be that.

A few days later, Taako was doing the laundry. He was folding it, turning clean clothes into artfully compact bundles, and occasionally into a swan.

“Oh, clean laundry,” Lucretia said as she passed by.

Taako patted one basket, said: “This one’s yours, homie,” and watched in confusion as she reached for a different basket, one with mostly blacks and reds. “Oh, hold up, that one’s Lup’s.”

Lucretia looked at him, one eyebrow raised, and pulled a folded black shirt from the basket. “Yes,” she said.

“Oh my god,” said Taako, full of glee. “Oh my god, she’s finally doing it. Clothes are common goods again? Can I borrow your half-cloak thingy? I’m dying to bedazzle it.”

“Clothes are private property,” Lucretia said, solemnly. “But I make an exception for Lup.”


End file.
